How A Husband Should Love His Wife & How A Wife Should Love Her Husband

By Angie Lewis

Let’s think of love not as a word but an action. Instead of saying “I love you.” Show you wife that you love her. Be more loving! How can a man show his woman he loves her? By doing!

Forget about the box of chocolates and flowers. Any man can go buy these things. But any man cannot show love to his wife on a whim. The chocolates get eaten and make your wife fat and cranky; the flowers wither and die in three days. What about showing your love by doing things that you know your wife will enjoy?

~How Should A Husband Love His Wife~

When was the last time you wined and dined your wife? What about a mini-vacation? Are you the romantic type? If not find out how you can amaze your wife by being a romantic guy. What would that involve?

A woman likes a man who can cook. How about cooking her an intimate candlelit dinner for two? Don’t know how to cook? Get a cookbook and do it anyway. Have some fun in the kitchen and enjoy yourself.

Don’t forget, you wife likes to be touched and hugged without the pressure of sex looming in the near future. Sometimes the hugging and coddling is more important to her than the actual sex act. Not that she doesn’t like to orgasm but that she wants to KNOW that you love her more than the sex act itself. Hug her and cuddle her and you’ll most likely get what you want later.

The most important way to show your love is through your acceptance and validation. Are you the kind of guy that discounts his wife’s choices, desires, and needs through invalidation? This kind of behavior will cause all kinds of trouble in the marriage. Let me tell you why.

By invalidating your wife in whatever manner, you have essentially rejected her. She will feel as if her opinions, decisions, and beliefs don’t count and shouldn’t be regarded with importance. She will hold this within her consciousness and it will come back to haunt you later on in the marriage. This won’t be on purpose but mostly because you have hurt her. She loves you and when you invalidate her feelings, thoughts, actions, beliefs, views, and opinions, she gets hurt!

Let me tell you a big secret about woman, which also includes your wife. Your wife may ask you for your opinion on something because it is in her nature to get a second opinion but that does not necessarily mean that she will go with your opinion or your opposing viewpoint.

I’m not talking about the submission thing here either. What I’m talking about is just everyday thoughts and actions of your wife. If for some reason you really feel that it is best that you disagree with her thoughts and feelings, do so AFTER you have said something positive about the way she thinks and feels. Be understanding! If you actually validate her she will see it your way on her own, even if she won’t admit it.

Your wife may also like to vent her feelings more then you, not because she needs for you to find a solution so much as just being a sounding board. Give her validation in what she has to say, and then ask her if she is looking for an opinion and or solution first before giving her one. This doesn’t make much sense to you, but to us women it makes a lot of sense.

~How A Wife Should Love Her Husband~

It is my firm belief that it is easier to make a man happy than for a man to make a woman happy. I believe this because men really don’t ask for much. If they can camp out on the hard ground with the ants and other bugs how hard can they be to please? Yes, I know this sounds superficial but think about this for a moment. Have you noticed how much happier, and less stressed out your man is when he has his two most important needs met, sex and food?

It is also semi-true that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. They love to eat and they love to eat good tasty meals. When their stomachs are full, and they have been taken care of physically, a man doesn’t ask for much else.

Don’t forget, the home is a man’s castle. Knowing this, make every effort to keep his castle tidy and free of stressful situations that could upset his equilibrium. He has worked all day long and wants to come home to a loving and sweet wife, not a grouch and a TV dinner

Be appreciative of every little thing your man does around the house. Make your man feel like a man by being a woman. Give him a hug and a kiss where it counts, talk about your day together. Don’t reject your husband sexually. Make him feel good about himself by telling him so. Respect him for who he is and what he does!

Basically, a woman needs validated and intimacy, and a man needs sex and good food. Find ways in which you can give of your self in the marriage by being more loving in these areas.

And men, after you have shown your wife how much you love her, then you can buy her the chocolates and flowers.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Angie_Lewis

10 Bad Habits that Could Ruin Your Marriage

By Emily Battaglia, LifeScript Staff Writer

Do you bite your fingernails? Pick at your hair? While these habits are annoying in nature and unnerving to other people, they aren’t a huge deal in the scheme of life. But there are some bad habits – seemingly small in size – that can ruin your relationships. If you’re married, you probably know what I’m talking about. Find out how to save your marriage from these 10 very common bad habits. Plus: Do you fight fair?

Breaking a bad habit can take days, months, even years. But your marriage can’t wait that long. Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. and author of How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free (New Page Books, 2002) explains 10 bad habits that add strife to your marriage and offers advice on tempering them before your “happily ever after” turns into never.

Remember, overcoming your bad habits isn’t easy, especially if you’ve spent years living with them. But admitting your faults and making changes is always a better option than a broken marriage.

1. Not having sex
According to a 2003 Newsweek study, between 15% and 20% of couples are living in a sexless marriage, where couples make love no more than 10 times a year. While sex is not the be-all, end-all to a marriage, it’s one of the best ways to maintain intimacy. And when sex becomes a distant memory, your intimacy takes a severe hit.

While physical issues like hormonal changes, stress and fatigue may not put you in the mood, some of the problem has to do with your attitude. “You need to feel good about each other to be intimate,” Tessina says. “If you constantly fight, criticize and spout negativity, you won't be able to be close.”

Get rid of the resentment and just do it already, even if you’re not feeling frisky. Learn how to transition from handling the mundane tasks of life to frolicking in the bedroom. “Sex in a long-term marriage is different from dating, honeymoon or newlywed sex,” Tessina says. “You need to learn how to make it easy to get there.”

2. Letting yourself go
Life happens – aging, pregnancy, illness, weight gain. You’re not going to look the way you did when you first met your spouse. Fortunately, “in deepening love, the exterior gets less important, and the interior is what we’re focused on,” Tessina says. However, whether you like it or not, your spouse does care what you look like now, just as you still want to be attracted to him.

It doesn’t hurt to put in a little extra effort to look nice for your hubby. Sometimes even a small change can make a big impact – resisting the urge to put on ratty sweats as soon as you get home, wearing a cute outfit instead of frumpy jeans for a night out, actually wearing some of the “sexy” lingerie you’ve bought. Or make the commitment to exercise several times a week, which can, in turn, inspire your husband to break a sweat with you.

Do what’s in your power to keep the physical attraction alive. Not only is it good for your marriage, it will boost your health and self-confidence, too.

3. Spending too much time with the in-laws
That includes spilling private information to your family about your husband or marriage, or siding with them over him. These can all potentially hurt your marriage if your spouse feels like he comes second to your family.

While many people are close with their parents and siblings, it’s a good idea to draw a line when it comes to your priorities. When you get married, you’re starting your own family – and they come first.

Tessina points out that it may be an issue of your upbringing. “If your partner is unhappy with how you’re relating to your family, it probably means you come from different style families, and you need to talk about that and make some agreements,” she says. “It’s a growing up issue, as well as a partnership issue.” First and foremost, your loyalty lies with your marriage. It’s not okay to gossip or betray your spouse… even to your family.

4. Spending too much time with friends, work, hobbies
Having a life and interests apart from your husband is important, but not having your priorities straight can wreak havoc on your marriage. Maybe you’re using your friends or job as a welcome distraction from your spouse. Or maybe you simply enjoy your job or hobbies that much.

But have you ever thought you might be making your spouse feel like a second fiddle? He may be dropping hints about how he wishes you were around more… or not saying anything for fear of rocking the boat. The bottom line is that you don’t want to make your spouse feel alienated, rejected or disconnected from the marriage. Nothing is more important than the one you love.

“You need to do what works,” Tessina says, “and the only people who can determine that are you and your spouse. Together.”

5. Not consulting your partner about purchases
According to a 2007 PayPal survey, 37% of couples fight more about money than household chores or sex, and 82% of respondents say they have hidden purchases from their partner. While not telling your husband about a new shirt you bought doesn’t spell disaster for your marriage, omitting large purchases or other major money commitments does.

Not only will it cause anger and bitterness, but bad money habits can compromise the financial security of your family’s future. Marriage is a partnership in every sense of the word. Tessina recommends talking about how money will be handled – bank accounts, bill paying, debt, savings, investments – before getting hitched.

“Remember, if you can’t talk amiably about money and make joint decisions about it, your marriage doesn’t have a good chance,” Tessina says.

6. Forgetting the smaller gestures
Those everyday signs of affection are what keep intimacy and romance alive. Yet many couples fail to remember to do them. “Spread as much sweetness around as possible,” Tessina says.

Kiss him when he walks in the door; ask him if he needs anything while you’re up; surprise him with a small gift (it doesn’t have to be expensive); touch his arm or leg when sitting next to him; say thank you when he does something for you, no matter how big or small. These sweet gestures are just as important, if not more, than when you were dating.

7. Criticizing and nagging endlessly
Finding fault with people – especially our loved ones – is easy. So is getting into the habit of mercilessly criticizing your partner. While your husband may joke about his nagging wife to his friends, he’s probably not finding it funny on the inside.

“If you allow yourself to be subject to constant criticism from your spouse, your well-being and confidence will suffer,” Tessina says.

You might think you’re offering gentle reminders or that you’re being justifiably critical, but the more you nag, the more he’ll tune you out. And that just makes you angrier. Stop this vicious cycle by treating your hubby as an equal. And remember, for the most part you knew the man you married when you got hitched; it’s unfair to now criticize him for being the man you chose to marry.

8. Always playing the victim
Never being at fault can be tiresome to a husband who isn’t always to blame either. “It’s difficult for everyone to take responsibility for bad behavior,” Tessina says. Pointing the finger at someone else is easier and makes you feel better about yourself. Playing the victim is a control mechanism, and you use it when it suits you best.

The problem is that always playing the victim makes him feel like he’s constantly being punished, which is a quick way to make him lose trust and respect for you. You may also be making him feel like he’s doing everything wrong intentionally to hurt you when, in fact, that’s probably not true.

It’s time to fess up to your role in the problems you’re facing, apologize and make the necessary changes when appropriate. Once you give up the victim mentality, you’ll find yourself less stressed, angry and resentful… and your husband will be happier, too.

9. Sweating the small stuff
So he forgot to pick up your dry-cleaning or fix the broken fence like he promised. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love, respect and care about you. In a marriage, when so many things can and will go wrong, you have to sort out what is worth getting angry about. Many times we make a bigger deal over matters that we should be taking with a grain of salt.

“If you want to be right just to be right, you’re going to create problems and pain in your marriage,” Tessina says. Pick and choose your battles wisely, or you’ll find yourself permanently on the battlefield. When something is bothering you, Tessina recommends asking yourself how important it really is. Are there rational reasons why it’s so crucial?

If you reach the conclusion that you must hash out the issue, bring it up as soon as possible to avoid built-up resentment. And learn how to “fight fair.”

10. Not fighting fair
Arguing to solve an issue isn’t necessarily the bad habit. You’ll inevitably come across differences when it comes to finances, children and responsibilities of home and work. But the way you settle those differences can be hurtful and destructive. If you wonder why you’re unsuccessful in solving your problems, it could be because you’re not going about it with good intentions.

If and when you have a disagreement, follow Tessina’s “fighting fair” guidelines:

- Don’t try to be right; instead, try to solve the problem

- Consider your partner’s point of view

- Solve one problem at a time

- Don’t bring up past issues

- Avoid personal attacks and criticism

- Stay away from using power struggle tactics like guilt, threats and emotional blackmail

"Not Tonight Dear, I Have a Headache"

4 Ways to Save Your Sexless Marriage
By Emily Battaglia, LifeScript Staff Writer

If you hear “I’m not in the mood” more than you hear “come hither” whispers from your spouse, you may be among the many couples living in a sexless marriage. When couples aren’t connecting intimately, marriages suffer because ignoring each other’s physical and emotional needs is not how to make a marriage last. If this common marriage problem sounds familiar, read on to find out how to turn your chaste union into a nonstop spicy soirée…

Once a month? Once a week? Every night? How often must you have sex with your spouse to have what’s considered a healthy love life?

There’s no set number. However, experts define a sexless marriage as one in which couples make love no more than 10 times a year.

A 2003 Newsweek magazine study concluded that between 15% and 20% of couples fall into this category. That’s enough for experts to label it an epidemic.

Sex isn’t the ultimate litmus test of a loving relationship, but physical intimacy is a vital way to stay emotionally connected with each other. Besides, it’s fun! Touch is therapeutic, especially when it’s given or received regularly.

Spending time together between the sheets can also be a great stress-reliever. And don’t forget about the body-sculpting benefits of sexercise.

Women aren’t the only ones who use “I’m not in the mood” to avoid sex, but we do fall back on the cliché more often than men do. Another common excuse? Turning him down because we’re too tired. Getting some shut-eye often sounds better than getting some action (even though a feel-good orgasm can make drifting off to sleep a lot easier).

Biological changes, too, may sap your libido. Your hormone levels can shift dramatically due to things like childbirth, menopause and depression (antidepressants often affect sex drive).

One study found that 30%-50% of women and 20%- 30% of men reported having little to no sex drive. At least part of that statistic likely stems from hormonal issues.

But that’s not the only reason you’re refusing. Unresolved emotional issues are at the root of many sexless marriages. Resentment, unexpressed anger and hurt feelings often lead women to withhold sex. Maybe you’re too upset with him to let him touch you. Maybe you’re hoping that rejecting him sexually will send a message that you either can’t bring yourself to say or can’t seem to get across no matter how often you say it. Maybe you’re simply punishing him.
Say, for example, you feel taken for granted because your husband doesn’t help around the house. You think “If he isn’t doing something for me, why should I have sex with him?” (Memo to guys: A University of Washington study found that men who help with the housework have more active sex lives with their wives than their dishtowel-shunning brethren. Need more incentive? A 2003 University of California study found that women are not only more sexually receptive to men who help clean up at home, they’re actually more physically attracted to them.)

If you withhold sex long enough, eventually you’ll both get used to the lack of it and will stop trying to initiate it.

Usually, both partners end up feeling neglected and resentful:

"She never wants to sleep with me anymore!”

“He doesn’t care enough about me anymore to ask why I’m too angry to sleep with him!”

If left unresolved, such problems set the stage for divorce or affairs. (You’re not getting the affection and intimacy you crave from your spouse, so you seek it elsewhere.) That alone proves how important sex is to a marriage.

Now, here’s the good news: You can rekindle the intimacy you once enjoyed.

Start by following these four rules:

1. Stop the Blame Game
Hormone-triggered mood swings aside, the first step to salvaging your sex life is to stop blaming each other. Resolve together to get to the real root of the problem and to fix it.

Hectic schedule getting in the way? Reassess your priorities.

Odds are, you’re putting less important items ahead of sex with your spouse. (If you’ve ever seen him giving you “the look” and told him, “I’ll come to bed right after I fold this laundry, make the kids’ lunch for tomorrow and take out the recycling,” you’re guilty.)

Why reserve a roll in the hay for only those occasions when you’ve got extra time or energy? Scrap the insignificant stuff and make sex a part of your schedule. (It looks a lot more fun on your to-do list than “buy cat litter” or “balance checkbook”!)

2. Talk It Out
If you’re in agony over the abstinence, stop silently hoping things will work themselves out. Communication is key in any healthy relationship. And since you’ve already gone all the way with your husband (presumably many times), sex shouldn’t be an off-limits topic.

Get over your embarrassment already and talk to your partner about his perception of the problem. Which of his needs are not being met? Be open, honest and sensitive to his feelings, and try not to get defensive. Urge him to approach the conversation with the same constructive attitude.

3. Enlist a Pro’s Help
If you need help communicating, consider individual therapy or couples counseling. You may have already given having more sex an honest go, but to no avail. And that’s probably because the real root of the problem wasn’t properly addressed – by either one or both of you.

A therapist can help you articulate what you might not be able to, including emotional problems within your relationship, resentment or unexpressed anger, or any hang-ups about sex that may stem from your past. He or she can give you a fresh perspective and send you on your way with new solutions to save your sexless marriage.

You might also talk to your doctor if you can’t pinpoint why you’re never in the mood. Health issues may be responsible for a low sex drive or nonexistent libido, not your partner or a hectic schedule. Some culprits include menopause, certain medications like birth control pills or antidepressants, or depression itself. If you’ve recently given birth and are breastfeeding, the hormone prolactin, combined with other hormonal changes, can also affect your libido. Talk to your doctor about your options.

4. Take Action
Once you’ve talked things through, stop analyzing the emotional issues and start resolving them physically. Translation: Get in the bedroom.

And don’t wait until you feel “in the mood.” Unfortunately, modern life is filled with more 10-hour workdays and tiring nights with the kids than candlelit dinners and bubble baths for two. All the more reason for you and your hubby to enjoy a happy, healthy release for all that stress.

Initiate sex – or even just physical contact like hand holding or hugging – every day until you get back on track.

But don’t simply go through the motions. Tune in to your body and his, and focus on enjoying the intimacy.

Who says married couples have to go from sizzling honeymoon stage to fizzling Honeymooners scene?

Take a moment to remember how exciting your love life was in those first few years of marriage. It should remind you that it’s worth working at to recapture the magic.

No matter how long you’ve been married or how busy your life has become, it’s never too late to reignite your passion for each other.

But, like all good things in life, it takes a little effort. Recommit to making sex a priority. You’ll give you and your spouse a happier, healthier life together.

By Emily Battaglia, LifeScript Staff Writer